30/52

20130727-230907.jpg“A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2013”

There are so many things bouncing around in this brain of mine these days. Too many to count sometimes. The past few days my husband and I have started a discussion about a second child. From the moment this little girl was dreamed of, we thought she would be our one and only. And my horrendous pregnancy made me never want to go through that again. And when she was born, so different and special, it solidified that plan for us. And then there’s the bit where I am wanting only her to have my all of my attention, and never to have to share it with anyone else. But then my husband floors me, as he’s known to do, and asks what will happen to her when were gone. And my heart aches at the idea of her with no family. And he brings up how it might be good for her to have a sibling growing up. That having a second child isn’t about us, it’s about her. Bear in mind, he is not trying to convince me of this. We are simply trying to open the subject for discussion rather then saying no without thinking it through. How did you decide whether or not to have a second child? What was important to you in your decision?

Thoughts of her teenage years are also bouncing around in my head, reading a book for fathers about raising daughters, knowing what I was like at 16…it terrifies me. In my head I keep banking on the fact that this kid has a heart condition, so even if she wants to do drugs, be crazy and wild, she can’t. Except teenagers aren’t logical, cautious or sensible. She may not let her body slow down what her heart or head wants. I know, I have years before she’s a teenager, but I can’t help but look down that road.

And today we talked preschool, and grade school and that we need to start applying when she’s two…what??!! Thinking about this already makes my head spin.

Do all moms think this way? With thoughts bouncing about like a million little ping pong balls? I tend to over think things, but it’s just bonkers since having a kid.

This weeks photo happened one morning before work. She’s become so much more mobile, and discovering herself in the mirror was like finding a little playmate. I wonder if she knew it was her own reflection or if she thought she had made a friend. At one point she had her hands against the mirror, babbling and shaking herself almost violently at the reflection with a look of such joy that I I could not stop laughing. This kid is a wild animal, I swear.

Last weeks favorites include dirty knees, mouth drawing and playing in water(somewhere I would like to be right now).

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4 thoughts on “30/52

  1. I am like you and sometimes worry about the far off future of my little boy. The need to protect him and keep him safe is HUGE. Good luck with all the decisions as we are in a similar boat. She is precious by the way! 🙂

  2. Pingback: A Portrait A Week: 31/52 -Momista Beginnings | Momista Beginnings

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