“A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2013″

I can’t believe it’s 20 weeks into 2013 already. My little girl turns 8 months old today. Soon she will have spent as much time outside of my body as she spent inside. It frightens me how quickly she’s growing.

We had an amazingly busy and wonderful day with her today. Despite taking a nap myself I am exhausted. The hour and a half walk may have had something to do with it. She swam this morning, had tamales for breakfast at the farmers market, napped, grocery shopped, ran errands, napped again and went to the arboretum with grandma and grandpa. It was exhausting but wonderful. And apparently the place to be today to photograph engagements, weddings and babies. She sat in the grass for the first time(dogs at home equal no bare grass for babies), and played pretty contently during dinner. She loved the beets grandma offered up from her salad.

We had a routine appointment at the hospital this week and I realized that sometimes setting foot into that place is still difficult for me. Driving down that parking ramp into the familiar garage makes my heart beat faster and my breath catch in my chest. The mixture of anxiety and nostalgia is unnerving. As far as we’ve come it still is unsettling to realize where we began this journey. Seeing the familiar faces of doctors we spent 24 hours a day with for a month is simultaneously comforting and frightening. Knowing they barely recognize her brings me great pleasure, but seeing their faces light up when they realize who she is makes me smile. It’s a strange feeling.

This weeks photo is from the arboretum. Grandma was in the background terrified she would topple over. I seem to be the only one who thinks she’s capable of sitting up without falling these days(note, she did not fall, as I knew she wouldn’t). I love the how quality of light shows just how creamy and soft her skin is. I just want to drink in her babyhood for as long as possible.

I’m finding it harder and harder to choose a favorite each week, as I look at more and more blogs. This week I loved this portrait, a sad moment for a sick little girl. I found the beauty in this brand new face quite stunning as well. And the portraits of her first bath are quite lovely. Every week there are more and more photos to love then the week before. It seems that everyone is collectively upping their photo skills.

“A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2013″

This girl has had a much better week. Although her cold is still lingering, she is much better. In a way I am relieved to be over and done with the first cold. When we left the hospital and were told to isolate her, my fear of her getting sick was intense. Being past it now, and having it be such a small blip on the radar is a relief. Knowing that she can handle a cold like any other kid feels amazing. I do think the fact that she’s still almost exclusively breast fed helped immensely.

I am really loving the interaction this project is bringing. Having people comment on my photos, link to them, commenting on others, discovering other mommas out there like myself. It’s fabulous. Although what’s up with not being able to comment on a blogspot blog from an iPhone or iPad? Not cool.

This weeks photo comes from our morning routine. We go out into the kitchen, I put her down on her lamb skin on the floor and out comes the kitty to say hi. These two have become quite good friends in recent weeks. The cat is quite patient with her, which is surprising. I’ve been trying to teach my babe to be gentle, as her first instinct is to grab the biggest handful of cat and pull. Eventually the cat lies down on the lamb skin too, and rolls over on her back. It’s a pretty cute routine that the two of them have. I love watching her interact with animals, she is becoming so fascinated by them.

Last week I had a really difficult time choosing one favorite. I’m a sucker for a portrait in a mirror so this one caught my eye again, I loved the light in this photo, thisimage looked very familiar as I know those blanket kicking ways. But I think this one was my favorite. I love the light, the gesture. It spells comfort.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful Mother’s Day today!

Are you planning something spectacular for the mothers in your life?  No?  Well get with it, there’s still time.  For you’re baking needs I have suggestions.  Do brunch, it’s the best meal of the weekend.  And serve these cinnamon rolls.  They are genius, as you can prep them the day before and simply pop them in the oven once everyone arrives . Oh and they’re delicious.  Seriously good.Then there are these jam shortcakes I made last week.  Super easy.  Super good.  Make the cake the day before, then simple whip the cream and assemble the day of.If decadence and chocolate are your thing, then this Black Forest cake is it.  It’s oh my god good.If you’re more of the pie type, then this Banoffee pie I made is the way to go.  Bananas, pudding, gooey toffee.  Its wonderful.Doughnuts.  You can never go wrong with doughnuts.  Ever.

There are some other lovely people around the food blog world who have some pretty genius ideas as well.

Tracy knows what’s up when it comes to fried eggs.  Big time.  She loves her fried eggs like I do.  On everything.  Eggs on pizza?  Yes please.

This drink looks beyond good.  Can I have one right now?

Avocados, bread and tomatoes?  What else do you need?

Call your momma this weekend, send her a card, make her breakfast.  She loves you more then you could possibly know.  It’s time to appreciate her.

Head on over to Oh you pretty things today and check out me and the babe on Josie’s Mothers on Motherhood feature!

Later this week I will be back with inspiration for this weekends Mother’s Day celebration!

“A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2013″

To say that this week has been a little rough on this child would be an understatement. From a fall, to her first cold and cutting a tooth, this kid has not been my happy giggly monster. Lets just say since I got home from work on Thursday night I haven’t really put her down. Like at all. She would prefer not to be more then 5 inches away from me at all times right now. I’m hoping tomorrow brings unstuffed noses and a happier girl. I hate seeing her so unhappy. She has decided she doesn’t like to lay down and sleep at night these past few days(I can’t blame her as when she does she sounds like she’s doing a baby darth vadar impression). It’s like I have a newborn again, walking the house until she’s exhausted enough to pass out.

This photo was taken before the sickness set in at our house, before the tooth starting causing trouble. I love how peaceful she looks. And the light from the iPad baby monitor is like magic.

Last week I loved this photo. The light is simply superb, something I’m finding myself drawn to more and more these days.

I don’t have any musings on motherhood or the state of the world or life as we know it for you today. Sometimes it just needs to be about the food. And this simple, but beautiful recipe deserves just that. It could be reimagined with any number of forms(loaf cake with jam swired in, trifle, different fruit combos, heck throw some oreos in the mix if you’re like my husband). This recipe is really what I love about baking. Simplicity that looks decadent.I promised you the second recipe that I made last week and I did not forget. I realllllly liked these. I have an affinity for all things cream and fruit based, so this made me very happy. I’ve found this combo of whipped cream/cream cheese frosting is my thing these days. I can’t stand how good it is. I decided to make these simple by using jam, but you could use whatever you want, fresh fruit, a fruit puree. The cake is my pound cake recipe which is one of my favorite base recipes. The sugar almost begins to caramelize on top of this cake while baking and results in a flaky sugary top layer. This is warm weather food. Perfect for back yard barbeques and picnics in the park. I’m ready for warm weather food(but maybe not so ready for the warm weather itself). And farmers markets. And cocktails loaded with mint. Happy spring Wisconsin. It’s about time.Raspberry Jam Shortcakes

Ingredients

2 cups flour
2 cups sugar
1 cup(2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature
5 large eggs
4 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 1/4 cups raspberry jam
2 cups heavy cream
8 ounces cream cheese, room temperature
1/3 cup confectioners sugar

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9×13 baking dish. In a large bowl, mix flour, sugar, butter, eggs and 3 teaspoons of vanilla extract. Beat until smooth. Pour into greased dish and bake for 1 hour, until golden brown and a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Cool Completely.

2. In a stand mixer beat cream cheese until light and fluffy. Set aside(here’s where I use a spatula to scrape it out of the mixer thoroughly, if I had another mixing bowl for my kitchenaid I would simply use that). Beat cream starting at medium speed and increasing as cream thickens. When soft peaks form add confectioners sugar and remaining teaspoon of vanilla. Beat until stiff peaks form. Beat cream cheese back in. Transfer to a piping bag fitted with your choice of tip.

3. To assmeble, use a ring mold or biscuit cutter to cut out rounds from the cake. Top each with approximately 1 tablespoon of jam. Pipe cream on top of each cake. Best served immediately, however individual components store well, placing the cakes in an airtight container, and the cream in the refridgerator.

Sometimes this world hurts. Sometimes it down right aches to live in it. To find positivity and optimism amongst tragedy upon tragedy. To stay well informed, yet not to get overwhelmed and bogged down by the sadness in it. Amidst bombings, explosions, death and neglect. It was one of the main reasons that for years I said I didn’t want children. How could I do something as selfish as have a child when the world becomes a more frightening place on a daily basis?

But I did decide to have that child and now I struggle with trying to see the good. With trying to keep the belief that humans are inherently good. When everything in the news tells me otherwise and driving down the street or listening to a conversation between teenagers in the store screams at me to take this child to the far reaches of the world and get away from society. It’s finding that balance that I struggle with. And I am forever an optimist, so I must believe that things like this won’t happen to me or my child or my family, yet I still have to be wary. Every generation says that the world is worse then when they were growing up. This may be true to some extent, however it also speaks volumes to the ability of adults to shelter those little people in our lives while they’re so young and soft and gentle.I hope to teach this small girl balance. To learn to love and accept everyone, yet to be cautious enough to protect herself. To be informed, but not afraid. To be strong, but not hard. I hope to teach her how to cope, when the world all seems too big and scary. I hope she knows how to shut it all out for a moment and breathe.

My moment of pause used to always come in the kitchen. It still does, but I also find it in her these days. In the softness of her cheeks, the sweet smell of her breath and the glorious sound of her giggle.

Today I found it in both. My husband will be loosing a wonderful coworker to another location this week, so of course I felt the need to bake her something. This woman was there when he was sick last year, helped plan a baby shower for us when I was pregnant, and was one of the few people he called from the hospital when our little girl was born so fragile. She’s one of the sweetest people I’ve met and so to celebrate her I made dessert. And of course brought the baby in to visit.

This was one of two desserts I brought in, the second I promise to share later this week. These brownies were a big smash bang of ideas and substitutions in my brain. Oh I’m out of chocolate? Nutella is basically like melted chocolate anyway. I reallllllly liked these brownies. You could easily keep them in the pan, slather them with caramel, cover them with meringue and then toast them up. Make it simple. Just make them. It’s oh so worth it.Nutella Brownies with Caramel and Toasted Meringue

Inspired by Bakers Royale, brownie recipe adapted from the Joy the Baker Cookbook

Ingredients

For the brownies:

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup(2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature
3/4 cup Nutella
2 cups sugar
2 tablespoons molasses
4 large eggs
2 large egg yolks
2 teaspoons vanilla

For the caramel:

1 cup cream
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup corn syrup
Pinch salt
1 teaspoon vanilla

For the meringue:

3 large egg white
3/4 cup sugar

Directions

1. Make the caramel: In a large heavy bottomed saucepan heat cream, sugar and corn syrup over medium high heat. Bring mixture to a boil, whisking occasionally. Using a pastry brush dipped in water, brush any sugar crystals off sides of pan that may form. Cook for approximately 10 minutes, until caramel is dark golden brown or registers 250 degrees on a candy thermometer. Immediately remove from heat and transfer to an ice bath whisking occasionally until cooled.

2. Make the brownies: Place a rack in the upper third of the oven and preheat to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour a 13×9 baking dish and set aside. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt. Set aside. Mix butter and Nutella until light and fluffy. Whisk in sugar and molasses. Whisk in eggs, yolks, and vanilla. Add the flour mixture all at once to the chocolate mixture. Fold together with a spatula until well incorporated. Pour batter into prepared pan and bake for 25 to 30 minutes. Bake until a skewer inserted in the center of the brownie comes out clean. Cool completely.

3. Make the meringue: in a heat proof bowl whisk egg whites and sugar over a pan of simmering water until sugar is dissolved and mixture registers 160 degrees on a candy thermometer. Transfer to a stand mixer and best on high until cooled, and mixture is glossy, has doubled in volume and stiff peaks form. Transfer to a piping bag.

4. Assemble: using a ring mold or biscuit cutter, cut out brownies. Pipe rosettes of meringue around outside edge of brownies, toast meringue using a torch or under the broiler for 1 minute. Fill center with caramel.

“A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2013″

She started knocking down more milestones this weekend. One after another. It’s like I woke up today and she is so much more a little girl and less and less a baby. And I had a panic attack. It’s all happening way too quickly and it’s almost like something’s wrong the way it feels when I realize how fast she’s growing. Her baby babbling is changing. From cooing and oohs and aahs and growling to baba, gaga, na na. She sat up in her stroller. No longer needing the infant car seat. And the whole time I’m freaking out because I can’t freaking see her because she’s facing the other direction now. Is she ok? Is she happy? What does she look like? I kept asking that question while we walked. And she sat happily and patiently while we cooked and ate dinner outside on a blanket. And that tooth of hers is coming in more and more every day and she’s so much more aware. And she got up on her hands and knees in her sleep. And oh god she’s growing too fast and I just feel like it’s all out of control and it makes me nauseaus.

My husband and I were discussing it. It’s like we’re 2 months behind. He and I that is. We feel like we only really got her, like she only really became ours around the time she was 2 months old. That first month and a week she belonged to doctors and nurses, whom we had to ask permission in order to parent her. Then when we finally got home the threat of going back kept looming(since it had happened once already) and we couldn’t let our guard down. So really it’s like she’s 5 months old in our minds, not the 7 months that she actually is.

But she is 7 months. And after 7 comes 8 and 9 and 10. And then she’s almost 1. It’s so overwhelming to think about and I simply can’t let go. I feel like I need to capture every minute, every bit of it, because it all fades so quickly in my memory. And here she is curled up next to me, sleeping so deeply that her head is wet with sweat. Because that’s just part of who she is with her special little heart, a sweaty little baby.

I feel lucky this week. For some reason I feel like I got to spend more time with her this week then other weeks, although it was the same as every other week. She amazes me so much on a daily basis that it frightens me.

This weeks photo is her from last Sunday, after her first swim. She seems so much older in just a week that it pains me. I love the way she’s looking at her papa in this photo. She looks at him like that a lot. She also loves his sweatshirt strings.

Last week I loved this photo. This same scene happens nightly in our house. And I loved her words on the Boston marathon as well, these same things have been rumbling around inside of my head too.

I have been seriously missing my blender. Something terrible. Somehow the blade broke a few weeks ago, and while it being under warranty meant new blender jar for free, it also meant too many days without my blender whilst awaiting the arrival of my new blender.

Yes I still had my magic bullet, but the amount of stuff I shove into a smoothie really doesn’t fit into the magic bullet. Now if you are making baby food on the other hand, the magic bullet is exactly the perfect size to puree an avocado. Or peas. Or beans. Oh and pears. My baby eats food now by the way, which is extra awesome and so much fun, except when it comes to the whole diaper situation.I finally got my new blender in the mail and of course had to make a smoothie. I went with my old favorite green smoothie, but then I decided to mix it up. I really like to have a smoothie for either breakfast or lunch, it feels really super healthy, and gives me tons of energy to get through the day. Plus it’s super cute to let my baby munch on the straw. She’s not to the straw usage phase yet, but she sure loves to chew on them(reuseable hard plastic, not the bendy kind). Yesterdays smoothie was a total failure. Epic smoothie fail. Pineapple cucumber. It sounded so good. And brought me right exactly back to the day I went into labor, when I drank a pineapple castor oil milkshake. Barf is the exact adjective I would use to describe that concotion. Seriously ladies, if you’re waiting to go into labor, go ahead and skip the castor oil. It tastes awful, and frankly I still needed the iv filled with pitocin to get this kid to show up, but that’s a story for another day.

Today I went with strawberries and mangoes. Pretty much every smoothie I make involves frozen banana because it adds body and creaminess. I also decided to add oats to this smoothie. If you haven’t put oats in your smoothies yet I highly recommend it. It gives them a kind of nutty hint in the background and also helps thicken them up even more. Plus there’s the health and filling aspect. I like to soak my oats in milk for a couple of minutes before I blend them up. It makes them mix in just a bit easier, although completely not required. Honey and yogurt on the other hand are. You could even throw in some greens and you would have serious health in a glass potential. I’m trying to live healthier, can you tell?Strawberry Mango Oat Smoothie

Ingredients

5 large strawberries
1 frozen banana
Half of 1 mango, chopped
1 tablespoon honey
1/4 cup oats
1/4 cup milk
1/4 apple juice
1/4 cup plain greek yogurt

Directions

1. Place all ingredients in a blender and mix until smooth. Makes 1 large or 2 small smoothies.

“A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2013″

I’ve been letting time slip away from me again. The days go by so quickly. Monday through Thursday I spend my mornings trying to make my babe as happy as can be, and getting in as much sleep as possible, because once I leave for work, naps are elusive. Then when I get home my evenings are spent attempting to wind down an over tired maniac. By the time Friday and Saturday roll around I just want to spend the day with this girl without worrying about prepping her for time apart. It leaves little time for cooking and baking.

Some days I still feel like quitting my job. It’s not that I don’t like it, I do. I hate feeling like my baby could be having better days if I were home. Then there’s the part where my body aches after sitting in an uncomfortable chair at a poorly set up desk.

I’ve still managed to photograph. I love her little feet sticking out of a long outgrown outfit that I still stuff her into. I’ve been lugging my camera around more and more which feels amazing. I’ve found myself seeing things through my camera lens again, something I’ve missed.

My favorite last week was this photo. The light, the composition. I found it quite lovely.