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She had her doggie themed birthday party today and had a blast. She was loved and spoiled by everyone who came. I’m pretty sure I was as sleep deprived preparing for her party as I was leading up to and after her birth. Luckily this time she’s home and healthy. And also still awake at 10:03 at night.

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IMG_7167.JPGA portrait of my daughter every day in 2014

I spent so much time having fun with this kid today I failed to pull out my camera. So here’s the birthday girl enjoying a cupcake. She could not be more loved. Now excuse me, I have a 2 cakes to frost, cookies to decorate a kitchen to clean and am desperately in need of a shower.

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I looked at the clock tonight around 9 and started to remember where I was two years ago at 9pm.

Two years ago I had been at the hospital for 12 hours. It was the exact opposite of everything we had planned. I was full of pitocin and morphine. I wasn’t in a beautiful birth center with a giant tub. It wasn’t relaxing. I was in pain and had absolutely no idea what I was in for. I thought we would get to go home as quickly as the hospital would allow. I didn’t know about this girls special heart. I didn’t know how close I would come to having a C-section.

Sometimes it’s like she knows what’s going on with me. Right around 9 o clock tonight she grabbed the photo album with all of her newborn photos off of the shelf. Her newborn photos aren’t those cute ones with babies wrapped in swaddles and posed with their arms under their sleepy faces. Her newborn photos are poorly lit, involve lots of cords and wires that kept her alive and are to me(and her apparently) perfect. I told her tonight she has another echo in 2 weeks and she pointed to her heart. People she is 2 years old(in a few hours) and knows what a freaking echocardiogram means. Children are amazing. They are perfect and smart and adaptable. And it’s up to us adults not to fuck them up.

Two years ago right now I still had no idea what was in store for me. I thought I loved that child in my stomach trying to make her way out. Ok lets be honest she was trying to stay put, it was doctors and nurses who were trying to get her out. I had no clue what kind of love I was capable of. How different my life would be.

She turns two tomorrow. It sort of boggles my mind. Where the fuck have two years gone? Sorry for all of the profanity, but I just can’t get my head around it. It feels like I’ve known her forever, but like just yesterday that we met. This morning we took her out for an early birthday doughnut breakfast. She ate an entire doughnut. She rules.

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IMG_7132.JPGA portrait of my daughter every day in 2014

We stopped at the pet store today to pick up dog food. She was unimpressed by the most of the animals(including a pot bellied pig, wtf) but loved all of the signs with photos of cats and dogs. It seems to me she feels the same way as her mama about animals in cages.

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We spent most of the night assembling her birthday present and I almost forgot to post these photos.

She got to push around her new $2 garage sale find stroller this morning, listen to live music and take a super nap. Oh and eat a disturbing amount of pasta. She had a pretty good day(and so did the grown ups).

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IMG_0908.JPGA portrait of my daughter every day in 2014

Even though her fingernails turned blue and her hands were ice cold, she didn’t seem remotely bothered by the cold rainy weather we had today.